Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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