Apparently you make a good broom.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
