Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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