So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
