there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He better not be in your backpack
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
