as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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