i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
