And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
