she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
