he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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