So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
