can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
