Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
