Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
