8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
