oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
