just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
