I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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