Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
