Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
