Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
