how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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