I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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