Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
