yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
