Ambien. No doubt about it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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