just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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