Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
