***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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