it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
