so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
