Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
where does the pee come out of this thing
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
