WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
