Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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