Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
