he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
