when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize