My liver just broke up with me...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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