I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
