She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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