Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
