I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
