he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
