so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
