Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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