my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
