dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
