i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sarcasm needs its own font
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
