So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just want nice things and good sex
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
