p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I pour the whiskey from now on
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
