i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
