Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
