SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
