Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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