I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
