I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
