did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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