If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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